
Concrete Cactus
This is the Concrete Cactus Podcast, where two lifelong friends from New Jersey—Ryan, now stranded in the blazing Arizona heat, and Brandon, holding it down back east—tackle life’s weirdest, wildest, and most entertaining topics with humor, hot takes, and (near) zero filter.
Each week, we bring you:
🔥 Stories that turn up the heat—Jersey’s big mouths and bigger attitudes, Arizona’s dry heat and even drier humor, and the hilariously bizarre quirks of East vs. West living.
🏀 Sports takes you didn’t see coming—Phoenix teams choking on the biggest stages, and the endless agony of East Coast teams.
📰 Scoops that break the mold—chaotic banter, unexpected headlines, and absurd takes that will leave you laughing and shaking your head.
This isn’t your average podcast—it’s a chaotic blend of comedy, relatable moments, and wildly different perspectives as we fellowship over music, sports, and the madness of everyday life. Whether you’re from the Garden State, the desert, or anywhere in between, you’re in for a ride.
New episodes Semiweekly! Subscribe now.
Concrete Cactus
004 | grapefruit league
Join Ryan & Brandon—as they break down the absurdity of current events with humor, sharp insights, and just the right amount of cynicism.
In this episode:
• Ukraine. There. We said it.
• Certified Transformation Coaches
• Ryan's political typology REVEALED
• IN MEMORIAM: A lot
• A masterclass in proper political discoursing on TikTok
Timestamps:
00:00 - *Cold open*
01:49 - What's going on with Ukraine?
05:20 - What if.. New York.. got NUKED?! (View Discretion Advised)
*Hot Takes and Cold subs*
07:00 - Congestion pricing profits
08:59 - RIP KINGDA KA
10:35 - RIP RAINFOREST CAFE MENLO PARK
12:17 - Sneakerhead Train Heists: Arizona’s latest Crime Trend
13:36 - *Political segment starts here*
13:56 - Cuomo for mayor?
15:34 - Astronomical Twitter beef (View Discretion Advised)
17:33 - Native New Jerseyans arnt full-blooded Democrats.. or Republicans...
20:57 - RIP THE OLDEST MAYOR IN AMERICA
21:10 - *Sports segment starts here*
21:51 - RIP JOEL EMBIID'S SEASON (AND CONTRACT?)
22:27 - Phoenix Buns news
24:22 - RIP HOOTERS
25:38 - More Phoenix Buns news
26:57 - Kyler Murray might just end up being A QB1 in the Meadowlands
27:45 - Aaron Rogers might just end up being A QB1 in the Meadowlands (AGAIN).
28:53 - EVEN More UNSOLICITED Superbowl 59 stats!
*Wrap Up*
30:32 - Arizona (Literally) has the most Deadliest Roads in the United States
32:40 - We read (Then glaze) your comments!
34:46 - FIN.
Twitter | Instagram | TikTok | Snapchat: @concacpodcast
Don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe for more unfiltered takes and hilarious banter!
this episode contains segments that may be unsuitable for some audiences for your convenience these segments have been identified in the time stamps within the description it hasn't been some weak huh for joys for Joys huh Joy to the World joyy Reed for MSNBC loses her show her ratings went down like 47% after Trump got elected what was her viewership before she was basically pulling like 1.5 million viewers for the election according to nelon CE was averaging approximately 759 th viewers because Trump got elected yeah I mean msnbc's liberals [ __ ] man Fox was pulling 3.5 million with Laura Ingram 3.5 a lot of people made it about race except they failed to realize that in that 7 pm time slot they they're planning on putting former RNC chairman from like when Bush was president Simone Sanders I think she was uh Bernie Sanders uh press person and and goar Bob melenz his daughter oh really they already got a Saturday Morning Show on MSNBC they're moving them to weekday want to talk about Joy Taylor Joy Taylor he miss three straight shows the last week of February and everybody was like what happened to her what happened to her what happened to her she posted an IG alongside her thirst traps a photo of her on the billboard promoting this thing called passes is that a show no honestly it looks like only fans for celebrities minus all the spicy stuff access to exclusive content somebody's going to ruin it I wonder who I say we get started after this bite of chicken did you wait this entire time to start eating yes well welcome to concrete Cactus episode four but wait there's more I'm Brandon and I'm Ryan what's going on with um uh Ukraine searches for paper can't find paper Hey listen this this came out of left field like casianos all I know is that bro showed up to the White House he was correcting the president and the vice president during a conversation that conversation is mad funny too because he said what he what did he say he said the US was gonna feel it and they started losing it Trump was like don't tell us what we're gonna feel don't tell us what we were going to feel I thought they was going like arm wrestle they're like they're about to get in a boxing match real quick that was insane they had Trump and zilinski on one screen right in one angle and then JD starts talking and you're like where F where's that voice coming from and it pans out and goes over to him I'm like you almost forgot that Marco Rubio's in the room yo everybody it was just like people in there he was sitting like a sad little boy like but it gets crazy so I think they were just basically there and grievances that absolutely had nothing to do with the actual deal that they were trying to sign which by the way he he didn't signed he left the White House and uh and he ended up doing a really good interview on Fox news by the way Brett Bear seeing two celebrities duke it out like that was interesting to me two celebrities yeah we're talking about world politics by the way made it more insane is the fact that you had Margie Taylor Green's boyfriend randomly asks Linsky why he never wears a suit that's actually mad fun because why doesn't he ever wear suit except on his show it's not in public but hey bro's been on the front lines though zalinski is so serious about protecting his country I don't even know why we got any hand in this because they're not in NATO well they were trying to be they're not in NATO but they're in NATO when I was in Koso that Koso deployment I did was a NATO operation and we had non-n Nations amongst us Ukraine was one of those non-n so it's like it's like being a physician assistant working with doctors we are seeking membership and the history between Russia and Ukraine is way too deep for us to describe on this podcast Less on this platform without fact Checkers and voice actors and I would like to stay neutral on these sort of things I pray to God that if I'm ever called to support that operation that all those above me have the best interest of everybody involved the reason why I say everybody involved is because uh I thought about this the other day why am I in the military where when I'm not a big advocate of killing people well life is discretionary if we're going if I'm going to combat with my job is not even combat but just being in the actual war zone the best way for me to find peace or make peace with that reality is that we're practically taking them out of their misery because more than likely if we're going to war with somebody the us is going to war with somebody it's because they have an ideology that's far more detrimental to the existence of our civilization Global civilization I'm going keep it right there speaking of uh death and destruction you want to watch this video that I found on the internet the world's biggest nuclear bomb landed in New York City the 50 Megaton explosion would instantly vaporize everything within a 2m radius the blast wave would flatten buildings up to 20 M away turning skyscrapers into rubble and a fireball over 5 miles wide would ignite everything in its path the shock wave would shatter Windows as far as New Jersey and the mushroom cloud would rise 40 m into the air radiation would contaminate the area for decad leaving no survivors y cooked I like how you said it will shatter Windows as far as New Jersey New Jersey is literally across the river you mean as far as PA nah I wouldn't stretch that far shattering windows that far and within the two mile radius is gone yeah two mile radius is gone so all of New York has cooked yeah and Jersey City half of it at least B Staten Island Staten Island might have a little bit of a chance right there by Elizabeth most of these buildings over here are Fallout shelters anyway true all I gota do is my stairwell five mile radius there got to be somewhere around like I would say maybe like seven or eight wait all right so where I am it's 15 miles away you just get radiation Fallout and I'd probably have about an hour to get to safety all right since we on the top in New York City and dropping nukes on it figuratively congesting pricing that's the thing that Trump uh killed and pronounced himself to be king for killing momentarily because the cameras are still rolling really yeah so what happened was he ended it the governor of New York put in a what was it was it a um lawsuit yeah she filed a lawsuit and since there's a lawsuit against it the cameras are active until a decision is made yeah but we're gonna the numbers came out for first month of January into February um of how much they made how much did they make tens of millions of dollars wasn't it they made you ready for this 48 mil 48 million 48 million just to scan license plates in one month and just lower Manhattan just lower Manhattan how many feet of Subway tunnel can that make 40 I bet you we don't never see anything come from that 48 mil the revenue is still a bit under the 52 million the MTA originally expected interesting so I guess there's a little bit of push back people not trying to pay that for real or they're not entering the Lower Manhattan as frequently as they would usually I'm interested to see if this grows of people just like took the month off as an initial reaction to the congestion pricon but who knows Lord know shout out Tori hot Tak cold Subs I haven't had a cold sub in a minute I haven't had real food in a minute you want to go on you know what next time I think I'm going to bring a play what's going on in New York New Jersey yo do you remember growing up and going to Six Flags for adventure yes sir mhm King Thea is officially gone they tore down last week it closed in November of 2024 after 19 years of operation 19 years of service I ain't never r with that damn thing that line was always too long did you really you never got a chance to get on there that's crazy I was also watching the video of it coming down kind of reminded me of uh just looked a little too familiar the way that thing came down yeah well that's what happens when you set up bombs to you know take something down oh you you believe in that too anyway I'm not a truer but yo I was egging you I was uh I was poking the bear huh yeah man I the plane definitely went into it but I don't think that's what brought it down but we can move on my boy said there was therine in the tower wow you think the planing brought it down absolutely oh man absolutely it's unfortunate I still think about that day we're showing our age right now bro there's kids watching this who weren't even born yet all right we can save it for the episode in in September but yes King Thea was the tallest in the world that isn't the only thing that had left us in recent history you're right Rainforest Cafe you remember Rainforest Cafe in mow Park who doesn't it's like a hidden gym literally kind of like how every Six Flags is different every Rainforest Cafe was different that's what made that place so unique can't remember the last time I went to the menow park one I think when my niece was like four or 5 years old the lizard came out it was her birthday this was in my past life the lizard came out in a costume and she was not having it she was like so her parents were like no chill chill they calmed her down and they made her pet the lizard or mean is it was this a guy in a lizard costume but it was so adorable I faintly remember Rainforest Cafe has been that long remember our parents used to take us there for like PTO nights and [ __ ] at least twice childhood I faintly remember that faintly remember my main memory is going there randomly and just going down there to just check it out and it was like super dark and they had that little Miss thing going on the word little this little fog I was like what's going on in there when he was a kid yeah I wonder if anybody ever used that as a date night spot probably would work as a date night spot that's the crazy part like if you get rid of the animals and stuff like two School teachers going on a date but you you keep the rainforest theme and get rid of the like like the elephants and everything that's all over the place nice little date night spot should have took that one school teacher there that would have been cute I'm not gonna even ask you who you talking about we just gonna move on half and half from Milwaukee I think I remember who this is what we got going on in Arizona we got train Heist what do they um what are they stealing undocumented immigrants I don't know um so thieves have targeted trains running through the deserts of Cal cnia and Arizona a string of robberies resulting in thefts of more than $ Million worth of new Knights hitting the streets of South Phoenix I'd imagine what did they have though like did it say what kind of sneakers it was they have many of the shoes were Air Jordan fours those are the uh Brick by brickers no Brick by Brick it might be sylvesters this was a really coordinated choreographed operation they had suspects aided by ACC compasses and follow Vehicles they had white fanss and they had they were tracking rail cars in real time and I mean it was like yo like this is like wow cutting air hoses that's some uh Red Dead Redemption type Bop yeah but um yeah I mean I wouldn't I wouldn't assume that it's difficult to have a a heist set around a train fairly easy I would assume I say we get into purple politics everything is purple everything is purple swag swag swag swag wa hold up aren't you a Travis fan I am a Travis fan yo you hear about your boy uh on wrestling the other night he was there when John Cena turned heel the first time in 25 years so what do I hear about this quomo Mr quomo comoo men is running for mayor can you blend him trying to get Mayor mem out of a job H get your mans out of here he's guilty guilty is judged held it down during the pandemic not gonna lie dude was solid and then he had that case that came out of nowhere and ruined his presidential cany very very common behavior in New York politics to just do something stupid as hell ruin your prospects of hire or current office is all allegedly all alleged he didn't get charge or anything yeah yeah New York City got some stuff going on with politics right now man yo our entire childhood has been New York politics New Jersey politics corrupted corrupted corrupted now it's time for New York City no it's always been they've been taking turns that's also true yeah I mean but it is New York and New Jersey you know Bloomberg would do something stupid and then Chris chrisy was like wait your turn something just happened at the George Washington Bridge yo the traffic at the George Washington Bridge used to be insane well I guess congestion price brought that down too oh it's still a little backed up because it funnels but it's not as bad as it was in you know maybe what 15 years ago yeah different time at least the palaski is good yeah they spent like 12 years fixing that thing ain't they they they been an entire generation trying to fix that thing so what you got going on out in AZ Elon m is beefing with sender Buzz Lightyear Buzz Lightyear he's a very nice man very nice person we have astronaut Mark Kelly twin brother of astronaut Scott Kelly both of which born and raised in Orange New Jersey wo repres present the dispute stemmed from comments made by Trump who blamed the Biden Administration for delaying the return to the astronauts musk during a recent Fox news interview echoed Trump's sentiment that's when the European Space Agency astronaut andreus morgon got involved calling the claim as a lion X and musk responded musk responded musk responded calling Morganson fully [ __ ] hm Elon mck with ashberg syndrome is this real spectrum of autism are you trolling calling somebody fully[ __ ] and an idiot before Scott Scott Kelly stepped in and defended him as one of the most competent trustworthy and honest people he's ever met that is wow did he actually say that on God and that's when must fire back to Scott KY saying your brother claims to be independent but he's just a damn donor shill so of course that's been Mark Kelly came in and said that he should get the nerve to come on a rocket ship before he argues with astronauts fair that is fair but I'mma take it a step further how old is Elon Musk I don't know is he like 50 53 you know how old Scott Kelly is 60 61 you know how old Mark Kelly is 62[Laughter] Scott Kelly and Mark KY will whoop his ass what is your political preference Ryan H well consider where you and I are from is anybody[Music] truly to the left whereever from like to the left like this like a lot of people there's some people there are some how about the ones to the right the people who are to the all right so the thing about in Jersey from what I've experienced anyone who's like a republican voter aren't like Head Over Heels Republicans they're not magga Republicans they are but they're not AG it they're like I voted for Trump not I voted for Trump USA immigrat the Hitler thing yeah they're not aggressive about it but they are supporters because they believe in his theory of thinking and people to the left people to the left are just like I mean that's the other thing about where we're from it's very calm it's not like Norm was like yes like there's a lot of women who look like AOC but a lot of them don't act like AOC and most and a good amount of those women are Certified Transformation coaches and they still they're still not as liberal as you think you they're still not as liberal as AOC nah but seriously um Rec Centrist without guns hey look whoever make the most sense that's what I'm G hold for yeah like we vote with Logic the side of emotion I don't vote for emotion hence I said the side of emotion it's not the the main dish it's like the salad s plate but I like salad so you like a little emotion not of my politics not in my politics I don't like emotion in my politics I see what you mean but you're gonna slap me for saying this but life is discretionary bro you gotta have a little bit of something everything BR was something that day that's the same thing that got us in the middle of the war in Ukraine with Russia we shouldn't we shouldn't even be there bro what got us in that war Certified Transformation coaches I don't know maybe shout out to all the certified life coaches we getting America back on track one session at a time no uh one Discovery call at a time long story short I'm a cist I become more of a cent interest as I grown up listening to the military and living in at the time I moved here a red State wasn't really bothered by much it's still a red State well it's a red State when you look at things by state level but governor democrat proo a lot of people don't like her because she's closer to the center I mean you got to be in a state like this why do you think our Senators are both military veterans oh by the way uh rip oldest mayor of the nation veto pillo of tritan Falls has died at the age of 100 100 impressive prickley Pas I don't have a baseball today you he a report that the Nicks almost had Joel embiid and almost waed for him how how why was this a thing from what I remember the Knicks were offering all of their draft picks to Nicks just love giving away draft picks they did the same thing for Mel Bridges man it's kind of biting him in the ass a little bit they was GNA do this before they got Mel Bridges wow so they were gonna do something not I'm not even gonna call that Mel Bridges trade dumb it was just a little too generous for what they ended up getting but they were out to do something dumb as yeah and speaking on dwell embiid he's out for the season now I mean we all saw that coming didn't we you hear about uh the team's option of injury retirement so they can save several hundred million dollars so basically what they have to do is it there has to be a third party what's the word I'm looking for evaluation where the team gets to the team gets to write him off and he is forced into retirement guy is always injured yo him and Bradley Bill but at least Bradley Bill is a good he a is a really nice chill guy well see I mean even you talking about Phoenix we we could talk about the uncertainty of uh KD apparently the son tried to trade KD for the trade deadline he didn't want it not happening trying to go to Golden State it's still not happening even after offseason where he would rather have been traded if we get to the NBA off season and man's orchestrates of trade back to Golden State I'm gonna be on this podcast has very excited to say Le if Katie becomes a if Katie becomes a Golden State Warrior after this season I will personally buy as 200 level seats at Suns arena for a next season regular season game against the Suns and warriors airfare included yo remember that time we were G airfare incl included no actually no remember when the warriors were playing the suns in the playoffs and we were about to make that last minute cop was it if I remember correctly I think it was but I think the side seats wasn't it I think the Suns choked was it the one with the Western Conference F semis and game seven yeah that team imploded I mean I did they should have kept the team together I'm just going to say that they should never told that team they villainized the [ __ ] out of DeAndre Aton they did yet DeAndre Aon was still more consistent than nerk he is or was Chris Paul is still very agile people kept coming at his age but Chris Paul's doing quite well on San Antonio I think we got a little too uh excited because cash ishia came in he has the big bucks to bring big bucks people in and can we take a moment to just acknowledge the fact that the only two teams to have pulled off acquiring big names and winning with those big names are the heat when LeBron and Bosch joined and the Warriors when KD joined so in other Phoenix Suns news orip hudas Devon Booker put a shout out out to hudas following up on a relatively old tweet from year of our Lord 2012 dang we was in high school at this time this dude dropped this tweet yeah so imagine where he was at and KD followed up an AI generated image of him and dein Booker in wings audas and then one of those food companies door Dash swooped in and offered Devin Booker free Wings until they close oh free wings for Phoenix Suns fans every Wednesday code book no code book they gonna put a Hooters inside of the stadium or you know B hey de booking might just Devin book and Kevin Durant their next business venture I mean y'all got what you call it what's up the bikini grounds oh yeah that's about to be called the natica Malone Memorial coffee real soon on top of that another Suns news highest scoring game of the NBA season as of March 2nd 2025 is the Phoenix Suns versus the Memphis Grizzlies score was 148 151 went into overtime was a hardfought battle that they still lost job Morant scored 26 Kevin Durant scored 34 Bobo bbo bbo bbo scored 18 I'm so glad the suns are finally playing bbo way too late in the season Bobo is probably the most consistent consistent player on the Phoenix Suns coming off the bench guaranteed yeah probably the most consistent player of the Suns overall hope this team turns things around as next season because this season I don't think the playings in in our uh in our um in our nope Happy Trails Diana terasi Happy Trails Diana terasi she retired Deuces yeah shout out to the Liberty that's crazy backto back season the same season the Suns lost in the finals it's the same season the Mercury lost in the WNBA finals they got some bad vibes out there yeah this these people don't these people have not won since 200 October of 2001 even like um since we're we on the topic of Arizona still kylin Murray was out here you know your boy was out here boy but he's in your area pause no Diddy why is that a pause moment hot Asian in your area I didn't even say that why you why you calling him a hot Asian it's a cute dude pause well anyway mans was at the Knicks game wearing a Jose Reyes Mets Jersey last week like last week he like baseball he almost went to the Mariners he almost ruined he almost ruined his sporting career with the Seattle Mariners yeah he might have ruined it perod at least for like six years him going to the Jets seems likely now I don't know I told you I told you and since we're on the football topic Aaron Rogers going to the Giants looks interesting so the other thing about the Jets with this whole A- rod thing is Devonte Adams is trying to get up out of there off the Jets and the Jets are interested in moving him and are trying to move him before the new season year starts if they don't find a TR a potential trade option they're going to just release him I think it would be interesting if he were to go to the commanders jayen Daniels having another Target like him would be only a bigger problem for the opposing teams and I think that I think it works out for him I I honestly think that gives some like the best option to win other than him following A-Rod wherever A-Rod is going to go but I don't think a-rod's winning anything for the rest of his career but yeah that's funny as how that's funny as H you don't think he's gonna you think he's gonna win something I think he's cooked bro I think his career is over this point he's just playing to play because he wants to play which leads us to drum roll please more unsolicited Super Bowl 59 stats more ready you're ready but wait there's more let's do this Super Bowl MVP Fran favorite Cooper the draw played with torn triceps Nolan Smith first black woman and a fine one to say at Beast to win a Super Bowl as a coach Autumn Lockwood the fourth Heisman winner National Champion Super Bowl champion Devonte Smith Devonte hey the first Australian who isn't a punter to win the Super Bowl Australia Jordan bada the amount of times Taylor Swift was shown during The Telecast I what did you just say Taylor Swift was only shown one time I in German that's what I thought it was I thought it was most field goals made in Super Bowl history in Elliot how how many was nine nine but he's tied with the guy who thinks women should be in the kitchen most watched Super Bowl ever yeah because you had the three pat on the line you had the Eagles on the line fourth black quarterback to win a Super Bowl and finally the most booms at a Super Bowl please think about that for a second I don't know what that mean double talk cholate cookie no n you under a rock let's wrap this up we'll wrap it up then five in roadways are ranked as the most dangerous in the US because you know these drivers out here are trous how do you have a piece of of of metal of scrap metal just not strapped down to your truck and you on the highway doing like 60 70 goofies man according to truck info.net using analyze data from National High way traffic safety administration wouldn't be surprised if arason one by the time this episode drops here's what they found here's the top 10 I15 in San beard County California ranks number one number two is I 10 in Maricopa County Arizona we've covered quite a few incidents that's happened on I 10 us60 Maricopa County Arizona there's always something happening on the 60 especially in Mesa number four is I 10 Riverside County California number five is Interstate 30 in Dallas Texas number six I don't know but then I think I know I 95 Delaware Expressway Philadelphia County Pennsylvania I didn't see a lot of accidents on there in my time in Philly next one is I40 coino County Arizona no surprises number seven I 10 in panal County Arizona that's basically going into like Tucson basically that's that's that's that's G number nine is I in Travis TX and number 10 is i7 meropa County yeah had what is it five five rways five of them five Jesus y'all dangerous y'all I Ain these I a I don't affiliate myself ially I am legally and morally obligated to be a resident of the state let's look at some comments there's no comments bro Spirit spirited yet cordial exchange about Dei and our Dei Tik Tok went for quite a while so a gentleman I thought it was a lady no it was it was between a lady and a gentleman gentleman posted there's no pros and cons to Dei justifying racism is all it is young lady commented ramps so in people in wheelchairs can access buildings as deia I think many people don't understand what all goes into it people often leave about the A and do no research the guy was like try again de a isn't a bill it's an organizational framework policies passed to give people with disabilities protection okay someone with a wheelchair going to a building has nothing to do with unqualified people working jobs Dia doesn't mean unqualified people High I mean we have seen pretty live live examples of non-whites who have unqualified positions RK has no resume or expertise in health he's off in the bunk Pete is below the bare minimum of expertise in our military k m is what did Biden say when he was picking vice president and about Phil Washington who tried to lead the FAA Comm the dec of working in government to different branches her resume is more extensive than others this is a you mean the guy who had a Russian spy balloon in the air and all this other BS is like yeah as a Dei of what I'm saying is meaning that qualified people get overlooked because of human bias he getting a chance I don't know how we're going to have this conversation because the majority of this country can barely read she ain't lying thank you I'm going to look into it because I do what I see what happened there great conversation thank you for your dialect and not crashing out like 85% of the people on this this was a great convo I appreciate the same respect we may not agree with everything but I'm willing to just see how the numbers will look after all of this they probably stood in each other's DMS and probably scheduling a date isn't that beautiful we're justed discussions that are cordial and dynamic and be the bare minimum of ignorance this is what I'm talking about I am crying on the inside right now this is what I wanted not smooth brain mother commenting on our [ __ ] [ __ ] with little to no substance yeah so how do we end this the same way we always end it by trying to take over the world that concludes episode four from the concrete Actions speak louder than words never say never catus make sure you like comment subscribe and share respect your last name later stay warm